I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
