Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
