I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize