My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
