My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
