you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
