My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
