He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize