apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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