fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize