How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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