You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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