well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
