do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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