I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
