He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
