Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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