she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize