My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
