I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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