I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
