I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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