Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i've created a new STD.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
