Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
