Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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