he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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