My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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