Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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