im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Vodka?
Forever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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