if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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