Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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