The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
