Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
