I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
