this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
