she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
