we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
