lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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