Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
