i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
