dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize