I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
