You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
