I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
jump out the window naked night went bad
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