you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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