is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
