its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
