New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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