i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
NoShamevember. You game?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I want is dick and wine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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