I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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