Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
