How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im six kinds of drunk right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
