OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
