Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
