god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
