garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
