The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
