Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize