Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
