this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
