Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
