God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
