I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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