So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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