ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
