No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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