So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
