If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's blow job season.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
