Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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