ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
