sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My dick has a subreddit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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