If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
