i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
