the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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