....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
