just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
