Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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