no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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