last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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