im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
