there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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