God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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