I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
