Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
