She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize