My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
