Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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