Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
