I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She bit a glass in half.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
