i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is my gift to your gina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
