i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
