I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
