Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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