Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
