I forgot how hot balto sounded
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
