He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
